The Thing That

So I'm sitting in my living room the other night, enjoying a tasty bowl of freedom onion soup, savoring the liberating taste of soggy bread and melted cheese, when I turn on the TV. It's a rerun of 3rd Rock from the Sun, starring John Lithgow and that wacky Freedom Stewart. I start musing about the downward spiral of his career, from hit sitcom to lame long distance commercials, when my musing is interrupted by the sight of that sexy alien Sally. Soon I'm lost in a reverie, imagining her cavorting about in a skimpy freedom maid's outfit. In my fantasy, we begin to freedom kiss, and soon I'm reaching for a freedom letter… Well, sometime later, as I've snapped out of my sensuous trance, I start thinking about the country of my birth and its citizens' reputation for rudeness and uncleanliness and I realize that, contrary to what many Americans seem to think, Freedomland is a pretty great place after all.