Thursday, March 13, 2003
So I'm sitting in my living room the other night, enjoying a tasty bowl of freedom onion soup, savoring the liberating taste of soggy bread and melted cheese, when I turn on the TV. It's a rerun of 3rd Rock from the Sun, starring John Lithgow and that wacky Freedom Stewart. I start musing about the downward spiral of his career, from hit sitcom to lame long distance commercials, when my musing is interrupted by the sight of that sexy alien Sally. Soon I'm lost in a reverie, imagining her cavorting about in a skimpy freedom maid's outfit. In my fantasy, we begin to freedom kiss, and soon I'm reaching for a freedom letter… Well, sometime later, as I've snapped out of my sensuous trance, I start thinking about the country of my birth and its citizens' reputation for rudeness and uncleanliness and I realize that, contrary to what many Americans seem to think, Freedomland is a pretty great place after all.
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
I have decided to rename American cheese "Imperialist cheese." Who's with me?
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
It's official. I hate blogger.
Monday, March 10, 2003
How is it Monday already? Did I miss something? Thank god I don't have to do anything today except sit here and surf the fucking web. Well, that's not entirely true. Lots of stuff I should be doing but nothing that anyone is going to freak out about when I don't get it done. I'm still trying to figure out how it is that we went to a movie on Saturday night and ended up staying out until 5am.
And another thing I'm trying to figure out: why the gambling gods have turned against me. You may recall my fondness for a little place up North called the Drift On Inn. You may also recall that 2002 ended with me up $500, not leaving when I should have, and then losing everything plus $100 more for good measure. Despite my month of purity in January, I did not quit the Drift, but man oh man I should have. I have been on the worst losing streak of my life. It goes like this: I sit at a table, I exchange cash for chips, I put the chips down, the dealer gives me shit, I lose my money. Repeat ad infinitum. Now, losing comes with the territory and I'm used to that. But this is different. Usually, the gambling gods give you at least the impression that you have a chance - a little of the old one step forward two steps back. This is more like five steps back at breakneck pace. I sit, I bet, I lose. The other day I went in, sat down, lost 10 straight hands and, surprisingly wisely, got up and left.
Okay, I should say that I'm perhaps exaggerating as there have been a couple of bright spots. The other week I walked in with $40, played for two hours, and walked out with my original $40. As far as 2003 goes, that was a huge victory.
Then, a couple days later, I went in. I was at a table called Lucky Ladies that has this sucker's side bet. You throw a dollar down (or up to $100 if you're dumb enough) and if your first two cards equal 20 then you win 4-1. You get better odds if they're suited or the exact same card, but what you really want is for both of them to be the Queen of Hearts. That earns you 125-1 and, if the dealer has a blackjack at the same time, it's 1000-1. Needless to say, your odds of hitting either of these are way worse then the odds they're gonna pay you off at. So you really shouldn't play it.
Anyway, I'm sitting there, a few days after breaking even, thinking that maybe I can shake the hex that has me running scared. I'm losing some, winning some, down about 40 bucks, and I'm not playing that sucker side bet 'cause I'm (usually) smarter than that. But then, for some reason, I really don't know why, I throw a dollar down on the Lucky Ladies spot. My first card comes: it's a Queen of Hearts. The dealer goes round the table, comes back to me for my second card -- and wouldn't you fucking know it, he gives me a second Queen of Hearts. I let out a whoop, having just won $125 on a dollar that I just threw out there for no reason. And then the dealer gives himself his up card - and it's a fucking ace. Are you following me? If the dealer has a ten, jack, queen or king under there, I've just won a thousand dollars. He calls over the pit boss to watch. My heart is pounding. If he has a blackjack the other four players are gonna lose their bets but I could give a fuck.
Well, he didn't have it. But I won $125. Which I promptly lost.
And another thing I'm trying to figure out: why the gambling gods have turned against me. You may recall my fondness for a little place up North called the Drift On Inn. You may also recall that 2002 ended with me up $500, not leaving when I should have, and then losing everything plus $100 more for good measure. Despite my month of purity in January, I did not quit the Drift, but man oh man I should have. I have been on the worst losing streak of my life. It goes like this: I sit at a table, I exchange cash for chips, I put the chips down, the dealer gives me shit, I lose my money. Repeat ad infinitum. Now, losing comes with the territory and I'm used to that. But this is different. Usually, the gambling gods give you at least the impression that you have a chance - a little of the old one step forward two steps back. This is more like five steps back at breakneck pace. I sit, I bet, I lose. The other day I went in, sat down, lost 10 straight hands and, surprisingly wisely, got up and left.
Okay, I should say that I'm perhaps exaggerating as there have been a couple of bright spots. The other week I walked in with $40, played for two hours, and walked out with my original $40. As far as 2003 goes, that was a huge victory.
Then, a couple days later, I went in. I was at a table called Lucky Ladies that has this sucker's side bet. You throw a dollar down (or up to $100 if you're dumb enough) and if your first two cards equal 20 then you win 4-1. You get better odds if they're suited or the exact same card, but what you really want is for both of them to be the Queen of Hearts. That earns you 125-1 and, if the dealer has a blackjack at the same time, it's 1000-1. Needless to say, your odds of hitting either of these are way worse then the odds they're gonna pay you off at. So you really shouldn't play it.
Anyway, I'm sitting there, a few days after breaking even, thinking that maybe I can shake the hex that has me running scared. I'm losing some, winning some, down about 40 bucks, and I'm not playing that sucker side bet 'cause I'm (usually) smarter than that. But then, for some reason, I really don't know why, I throw a dollar down on the Lucky Ladies spot. My first card comes: it's a Queen of Hearts. The dealer goes round the table, comes back to me for my second card -- and wouldn't you fucking know it, he gives me a second Queen of Hearts. I let out a whoop, having just won $125 on a dollar that I just threw out there for no reason. And then the dealer gives himself his up card - and it's a fucking ace. Are you following me? If the dealer has a ten, jack, queen or king under there, I've just won a thousand dollars. He calls over the pit boss to watch. My heart is pounding. If he has a blackjack the other four players are gonna lose their bets but I could give a fuck.
Well, he didn't have it. But I won $125. Which I promptly lost.
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