Yesterday our little angel was booted from daycare. That's right, 7-months old marks her first significant failing, of sorts. It was also my first experience defending my daughter, answering on her behalf, and trying to explain her seemingly appalling behavior.
Let me back up. Simone has had a wonderful daycare provider (off the books, of course, it's New Hampshire after all), with whom she's bonded, flourished and felt safe. From day one we haven't had a problem with the arrangement -- she's happy to be dropped off, happy to come home. Well her watcher was suddenly admitted to the hospital recently so we had to scramble to find another place. We found a woman in our village who runs an official little daycare center -- licensed, expensive, etc. And so off Simone went, starting half-days last Thursday and Friday. I guess we should have predicted a problem when, upon picking Simone up the first day, the new watcher simply told MG, "Well Simone's a happy baby but she sure does like to be held (big sigh)."
"Indeed," we thought, "she's a baby, and babies need to be held; she can't move much, it's her first day in a new daycare, and who doesn't like to be held, anyway? What's with that?" And then when I picked up Simone on Friday she said similar things to me about how fussy Simone had been, how difficult it was to take care of her, how she likes to be held too much, and that she was nothing like the angelic 11-month old baby who was also there (mind you, she watches only two other children right now: the 11-month old and a 4-year old girl). "Well yes," I said sheepishly, "perhaps she's adjusting to your place and she'll be easier next week."
Yesterday Simone returned for her third half-day there, but the watcher called after only 30-minutes, demanding that we come pick her up because she was crying and howling, and there wasn't anything she could do for her. She returned our money for the week and suggested we find somewhere else to take her.
Ok. So it's clear that this woman is fairly inept as a daycare provider. In my mind, what professional daycare provider can't handle some crying, particularly in the first few days? Isn't that precisely what we pay her to deal with? Beyond this, her clear disdain for holding a baby seems problematic, as does her inattention to some key baby-things. For example, after two days with Simone she didn't realize that Simone could sit up on her own, and that this makes her happy -- she tried to keep her strapped into the highchair all morning! Further, despite being a common soother, she didn't pay attention to Simone's comfort-blankie ("transitional object," if you will, which is actually a neck scarf of mine). And she didn't try the usual baby-calmers: bottle, cuddles, rocking, walking, swinging, etc. Kind of strange.
Anyway, my rational self tells me that it was a peculiar situation and that I should move on, not thinking twice. But of course part of me wonders: Is Simone unusually difficult? (memories of the hospital nurses remarking on her screaming abilities come back to me, as do all the comments we've fielded about her being unusually "alert" and "spirited.") Is she unusually needy? Is this my fault (always the mother's fault)? Am I just making excuses for her? Is this a sign of things to come? Is she going to be troubled or mean? Is this how the social construction begins, labeled "pain the ass" at 7-months? Our little angel and everyone else's little terror? Ugh. But alas, she's just a baby, that's all.
Let me back up. Simone has had a wonderful daycare provider (off the books, of course, it's New Hampshire after all), with whom she's bonded, flourished and felt safe. From day one we haven't had a problem with the arrangement -- she's happy to be dropped off, happy to come home. Well her watcher was suddenly admitted to the hospital recently so we had to scramble to find another place. We found a woman in our village who runs an official little daycare center -- licensed, expensive, etc. And so off Simone went, starting half-days last Thursday and Friday. I guess we should have predicted a problem when, upon picking Simone up the first day, the new watcher simply told MG, "Well Simone's a happy baby but she sure does like to be held (big sigh)."
"Indeed," we thought, "she's a baby, and babies need to be held; she can't move much, it's her first day in a new daycare, and who doesn't like to be held, anyway? What's with that?" And then when I picked up Simone on Friday she said similar things to me about how fussy Simone had been, how difficult it was to take care of her, how she likes to be held too much, and that she was nothing like the angelic 11-month old baby who was also there (mind you, she watches only two other children right now: the 11-month old and a 4-year old girl). "Well yes," I said sheepishly, "perhaps she's adjusting to your place and she'll be easier next week."
Yesterday Simone returned for her third half-day there, but the watcher called after only 30-minutes, demanding that we come pick her up because she was crying and howling, and there wasn't anything she could do for her. She returned our money for the week and suggested we find somewhere else to take her.
Ok. So it's clear that this woman is fairly inept as a daycare provider. In my mind, what professional daycare provider can't handle some crying, particularly in the first few days? Isn't that precisely what we pay her to deal with? Beyond this, her clear disdain for holding a baby seems problematic, as does her inattention to some key baby-things. For example, after two days with Simone she didn't realize that Simone could sit up on her own, and that this makes her happy -- she tried to keep her strapped into the highchair all morning! Further, despite being a common soother, she didn't pay attention to Simone's comfort-blankie ("transitional object," if you will, which is actually a neck scarf of mine). And she didn't try the usual baby-calmers: bottle, cuddles, rocking, walking, swinging, etc. Kind of strange.
Anyway, my rational self tells me that it was a peculiar situation and that I should move on, not thinking twice. But of course part of me wonders: Is Simone unusually difficult? (memories of the hospital nurses remarking on her screaming abilities come back to me, as do all the comments we've fielded about her being unusually "alert" and "spirited.") Is she unusually needy? Is this my fault (always the mother's fault)? Am I just making excuses for her? Is this a sign of things to come? Is she going to be troubled or mean? Is this how the social construction begins, labeled "pain the ass" at 7-months? Our little angel and everyone else's little terror? Ugh. But alas, she's just a baby, that's all.
posted by MM at
10:19 AM
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