“If you stand on firm moral ground there is no need to shy away from greater freedom in your choice of means. Moreover that freedom need not necessarily be restricted to a clear plan which obliges you to choose between certain methods. You also have to be able to trust solutions which present themselves spontaneously.”
- Andrei Tarkovsky

After a few morbid days sulking in the alarming results of the elections, both nationally and locally, I am feeling a gradual charge of hopeful anger and opposition. It's as if now knowing more clearly the worst news about this country, and the central issues for the majority of the poor saps who have been easily manipulated into a deeply cynical view of "morality" and "leadership", the weight of respect and balance has been cast off out the fucking window. I really believe the stakes are high enough and clear enough now to effectively organize and enact a genuine opposition movement to "evangelical America".

I believe and hope the whole discussion of the "new morality" and Christian values can potentially open the way for the left (such as it is) to define itself in a more appealing, authentic and effective way. The next four years should be a full on attack on the hypocrisy and carnage of these right-wing extremists.

In explanation of the other half of the country voting in favor of this horrifying agenda, I turn to Maurice Mereau-Ponty's discussion of psychological rididity and social perception:

A study was made of 1500 schoolchildren between 11 and 16 years old, and in particular, of 120 of them who were remarkably "rigid". These subjects showed very strong racial and social prejudices -- prejudices which...bear witness to a sort of interior schism between what the subjects admit and recognize in themselves and what they do not admit, do not recognize, and are unwilling to see in themselves. The latter traits are projected on external subjects who play the role of scapegoat; while on the contrary, the subject appears in his own eyes as immune to the defects he finds in external groups.

In sum, the subjects who carry within themselves extremely strong conflicts are precisely those who reject, in their views of external things, the admission that there are particular situations that are ambiguous, full of conflicts, and mixed in value....The more emotionally ambivalent the subject, the less it suits him that there should be any amiguity in things and in his view of things. Emotional ambivalence is what demands the denial of intellectual ambiguity.

The 2004 Earshot Jazz Festival is underway, and C. and I saw pianist Yosuke Yamashita last night. His first set was a trio he formed back in 1988 with Cecil McBee on bass and Pheeroan akLaff on drums. By intermission I was convinced that the "standard" jazz trio was alive and well -- Yamashita seamlessly moving from subtle moody minimalism to traditional Japanese melodies to wild, Cecil Taylor-like storms of percussive pounding. We were sitting in the direct line of fire of McBee's bass, so the massive force of his playing was dominant in the mix, but I imagine every seat in the house appreciated the unusual and inventive power of his approach to the instrument. If I closed my eyes, the bass sounded like a battle of essential elements and animals, whirling around through Yamashita's storms and in akLaff's polyrhythmic patterns. But it was the second set, where the trio was joined by kabuki master musicians Meisho Tosha on fue (flute) and Kiyohiko Semba on percussion when the music transcended individual virtuosity, and genre and became truly inspired. Semba and akLaff passed the beat back and forth like a mythical 4-handed, 4-footed rhythm-beast. McBee (often playing with bow)and Tosha played off of each others mournful interpretations of melody in a study of integrated contrast, cascading in shades of earth and wind. Yamashita was visibly inspired and astonished by his band, and responded with even more power, driving the whole scene into some of the most dramatic music I've ever experienced. This concert was an example of what can come of "world-jazz" collaborations. The theme was to celebrate 150 years of Japan-USA relations.

Thanks to Jack for the help formatting my new template!
This seems to be such a strange time of transition and limbo in multiple parts of my life. 4 weeks into the quarter I am still waiting for my first client to appear at internship. I felt entirely ready 4 weeks ago, but each day brings with it an increase in anxiety -- will I remember my skills? Will anyone show up? Will I make my hours for the quarter? Am I really ready?

And being engaged means planning for a future which is still appears hazy and undefined, and clarity is dependent on so many factors outside of my present control.

And then there's the election...For the time being I will refrain from adding my rant to the chorus.

OK. New template here after somehow completely fucking up my last one. I've lost my "Heavy Rhythm Rotation" and "Links" and "email" sections, and am too ignorant of html to change the sidebar...anybody want to help me out with any of these issues?!

Anyway, lots of stuff happening since my last post: Chie and I had a wonderful, high-intensity 2-week trip to Japan, full of family and friends and food and temples. you can check out some of the pictures on her blog (in Japanese) at:
(Just click on the folders to see different areas from our travels.)

Together we explored many neighborhoods of Tokyo including Asakusa, Shinjuku, Shibuya, Aoyama, Harujuku and others, Chiba (where we stayed with her Mom), Nikko (ancient capital in the North), Kyoto, Nara, and Hakone.

We stayed in a traditional Ryokan in Hakone with beautiful hot spring baths. and in this sensual setting I proposed to her. I am now engaged to marry for the first time in my life! The congratulations I receive are meaningful as interpreted towards my well known and too often suffered deep ambivalence (which i somehow managed to push through to make this difficult commitment).

I started classes the week I returned, and internship began this past week. I may begin seeing clients as early as next week, and am full of anxious expectation.

My other course is my last elective, and is in the Phenomenological Psych Program at SU. We're reading all the Existential bigwigs: Kierkegaard, Nietzche, Heidegger, Sartre etc., and applying their ideas to the face to face encounter of the therapeutic relationship. I am really enjoying this foil to agency protocol and diagnostic definitions. Fuck science and transcend yourself!

Chie & I went to an art party at the invitation of KK and Jeff last night. Other Capgasserz were in attendance and it felt good to see those folks I'm connected to through our recently departed friend/founders. The thing is, their move out East reminds me of others who have moved away, many of whom I talk with once a year, and see every 4 or 5 years. Many others I have lost touch with all together. I am reminded at how transient and precious the time with those we love is, even with the enduring connections of memory and spirit.

It really does feel like the end of an era, and the beginning of a new one. Chie and I leave for Japan next week, and I start internship almost immediately upon my return. With work and classes and internship, my whole waking life (and probably my dreams as well) will be filled with focus, leaving very little time for the other aspects of my life's passions. Music, film, and social activities will all have to take the far back burners. I'm excited and scared.

Yesterday I felt weak and sick. Seattle was stormy, and seemed to mirror my internal state both physically and emotionally. It marked the day Melle & MSG left here to live free or die. There were a number of bon voyage events in the preceding weeks, and this has been coming for awhile, but somehow it wasn't enough to feel settled or complete or resolved about the loss.

Those two are family to me, and I don't just mean I feel close or attached to them -- I mean they are the kind of mirrors which teach you who you are through interests and activities, and love and caring, but also through pride and envy, and anger and frustration. A full spectrum of emotions which can be tolerated without threatening the deep attachment and connection. This kind of friendship is rare indeed.